The Ego of Starting Over: Why I’m Back at Square One

If you looked at my race medals from the last two years, you’d see a successful running journey. I kicked off 2023 with my very first 5K, and by 2024, I had confidently progressed to a half marathon. Last December, I reached a significant milestone by crossing the finish line of a full marathon. On the surface, it looked like I was hitting all the benchmarks a runner is expected to achieve.

But here’s the thing: there’s a difference between merely finishing a race and truly training for one.

The honest truth is that I’ve been a rather fickle runner since the beginning. Aside from a solid block of training I committed to for my half marathon in late 2024, my dedication has been, let’s say, inconsistent at best. I often found myself half-heartedly trudging through training cycles, leaning on sheer grit to carry me to the finish line instead of putting in the necessary work.

That lack of respect for the training process finally caught up with me in December. My preparation for the marathon was lackluster, and the race unfolded just as you might expect when you haven’t done the groundwork: it was a struggle.

In January, I decided to stop pretending that having a marathon medal made me a disciplined runner. I decided to start over.

The Humility of the 5K

It takes a weird amount of ego-smashing to go from training for 26.2 miles to starting a 5K plan.

There’s a voice in your head that says, "You’ve already done this. You’re past this. This is too easy." But when I looked at my logs, I realized I hadn't actually "done" a 5K training cycle correctly in a long time. I had just survived them.

Starting over in January wasn't about the distance; it was about the discipline. I wanted to see what happened if I actually showed up for every single run. I wanted to see who I could become if I let go of my casual approach and fully embraced my commitment to running.

Doing it Right

Training for my upcoming 5K marks the most consistent I’ve been in a long while. There’s no more “coasting” for me. I’m not banking on the fact that I’ve tackled longer distances in the past to carry me through. Instead, I’m showing up for every single workout - the intervals, the easy runs, and even the recovery days - with a renewed sense of focus and purpose.

It turns out that being a "beginner" again is exactly what I needed to actually become a runner. The medals are great, but the training log from the last four weeks is what I’m actually proud of.

I’m okay with the fact that it looks like I’m moving backward. Because for the first time since 2023, I’m finally moving in the right direction. Embracing this journey, I’m excited for what lies ahead!