If you looked at my Soul pillar goals, you would have a seen a lot of talk about finding my people. You would have seen my plans for cinema clubs, run clubs, and intentional apps like RealRoots. I thought that by finding these specific intersections, I would find my community. What you wouldn't have seen - mostly because it wasn't in the plan - was a goal to join four different book clubs. And yet, here I am. A person who hasn't been a "reader" for years, currently juggling four different reading lists. But the thing about community is that it rarely stays within the lines you draw for it.
I realized that my biggest hurdle to gaining friends wasn't lack of opportunity or my busy schedule; it was my own comfort zone. I had become so practiced at being my own favorite plus-one that I had forgotten how to be a participant in someone else's world. I was comfortable going to the theater alone or running solo, but that independence had become a sort of cage. I decided then that the only way forward was to start saying "yes", even when the invitations didn't perfectly match the map I had drawn for myself.
The Power of Yes
The shift happened with a strange sort of synchronicity. At the start of the year, I decided I joining clubs would be a good way for meeting new people - a book club, a run club, and a cinema club. I first found a book club on instagram that seemed like a good fit and sent in my membership application. Then I joined a cinema club to feed my love for movies; they immediately invited me to their book club. Soo after that, I went to my first run club meetup, and found out they were starting a book group of their own. While I was navigating those two, the instagram book club finally sent me an invite. I was already three clubs deep, when RealRoots informed me they were starting clubs - including a book club. Of course, I said yes!
Suddenly, I was in four book clubs.
By stepping out of my comfort zone and saying "yes" to the first invitation, I created a snowball effect I never could have planned. I went looking for miles and moves, but I found my community - and they just happened to be holding books.
Protecting the Peace
I'll be honest; it's a lot of social energy. As someone who deeply values her alone time, four book clubs is a high 'giving out' requirement. I am learning that while my "yes" was the key that opened the door, my "no" is what will keep me sane. Going forward, I might have to scale back. I might have to choose the one or two groups where the connection feels most real to protect my social battery. But for now I'm enjoying the ride.
I don't regret the "yes" that got me here. It proved to me that I'm capable of being a participant again. I'm learning into the irony and enjoying the chapters. Turns out all it took was one "yes" to change the entire plot of my year.
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