~Kerin
Shortly
after my conversation with Jacob, I headed over to Landon’s dorm. I wasn’t sure
how I was going to break up with him. I didn’t know if I should tell him about
Jacob and I or not. But I’m sure he’ll ask if there’s someone else, and I just
don’t want to hurt him anymore than necessary. When I arrived at his dorm,
there were an ambulance, police cars, and people everywhere. I looked around
trying to see what was going on, but I couldn’t see. I saw Landon amongst the
crowd.
“Landon?”
I called out to him, and he turned around in my direction and then walked up to
me.
“Hey
what are you doing here?” he asked.
“I was
hoping we could talk,” I said.
“Yeah
sure. Let’s go up to my room,” he said before leading me up to his room. When we
got to his room I noticed his roommate Justin was there.
“It’s
crazy out there isn’t it?” Justin said.
“Yeah
what happened?” I asked sitting down on Landon’s bed.
“Some
guy apparently hung himself, so everyone’s going all crazy,” Landon said
joining me on the bed.
“Yeah
but I knew the guy. He didn’t seem the type. Paul never seemed depressed or
anything,” Justin added.
“Did
you say Paul?” I asked.
“Yeah.
Did you know him? He worked at the Sbarro’s on campus – real funny dude,”
Justin said.
“Yeah,
I mean not really but I met him. He seemed really nice,” I said.
“Yeah I
don’t know. Yesterday when he came in, he seemed a little upset, but I didn’t
think it was anything serious. I mean he was mumbling how he was just trying to
help someone out. I don’t know,” Justin said. I immediately thought about the
argument I overheard between Jacob and Paul.
“But
they’re sure it’s suicide?” I said.
“I
don’t know, but it’s just real sad. But hey I’ll leave you two to your privacy.
I’ll be back a little later. Nice to see you Peyton,” Justin said before
getting up to leave.
“You
too Justin,” I said as he left.
“That’s
really sad though,” Landon said.
“Yeah
it is,” I said.
“It’s
really got me thinking though. You know life is so short, and you never want to
miss a moment, and I know I told you before, but Peyton I really want you to
know that I love you. I am in love with you.,”
“Landon
–”
“No
Peyton let me finish. I know that you’ve been avoiding me because something
happened between you and Jacob. The morning I came by, I could tell something
happened that night, and I want you to know, I don’t care. I don’t care what
happened that night. I love you and it doesn’t matter.”
“Jacob
and I –”
“It
doesn’t matter.”
“We
slept together.” I was scared to confess the truth, but I had to say something
while he was pouring his heart out to me. How could I break up with him now? He
was silent for a while before he responded.
“I
don’t care.”
“I’m
sorry.” I know I was supposed to be breaking up with Landon, but how could I
after he just forgave me for the ultimate act of betrayal.
“It’s
okay. I love you.” And then he leaned over and kissed me.
I tried
to get lost in the kiss, but I had a million things running through my mind at
the time. What was I going to tell Jacob? Did I still want to break up with
Landon? Maybe Landon was the better choice. As the kiss continue to progress
into a make out session, my mind continued to run on overtime. What about Paul?
Was it really a suicide? Did Jacob have anything to do with it? And when Landon
began to show me just how much he loved me, by making love to me, all I could
think about was that I was betraying Jacob.
On my
ride back to my apartment, I kept thinking about Paul and what happened.
Something in my gut was telling me that Jacob had something to do with Paul’s death,
but still didn’t understand what would drive Paul into killing himself. I also
didn’t know how to bring this up to Jacob. And what was I supposed to tell him
about Landon?
When I
got in the apartment, Jacob was nowhere in sight. He was either gone or still
in his room. I quickly walked over to his room, and opened the door. He was
again holding that bottle of pills in his hand, but this morning it was full,
and now it was half empty. I decided to once again ignore the pills, and walked
over to join him on his bed.
“How
was the break up?” he asked once I was seated. I decided to ignore his
question, and change the subject.
“Did
you hear about Paul?” I asked. Jacob’s eyes went wide and his jaw tensed, but
he didn’t respond, so I continued, “He hung himself.” Jacob still didn’t
respond.
“Jacob,
isn’t that sad?” I asked. Jacob still didn’t respond. He just stared blankly.
“Jacob?”
I said trying to get his attention.
“What?
He had it coming,” he said.
“What?” I said
“I mean
he brought this on himself,” he said getting up and walking to the other side
of the room, his hands were shaking.
“What
do you mean?”
“I mean
he was messing around in stuff he had no business in.”
“Like
what?”
“I
can’t say.”
“Jacob!”
“Peyton,
I can’t tell you!”
“But…
so it wasn’t a suicide?” Jacob didn’t respond and he had his back to me.
“Answer me!”
“I
think you already know the answer.”
“Oh my
gosh. Jacob what did you do?”
“What?”
He turned around to face me, “You think I had something to do with this.”
“Of
course I do. I mean what do you expect me to think?”
“You
think I’m a murderer?” I didn’t answer. I didn’t know what to think.
“You
know what? Peyton, just get out,” Jacob said turning away from me.
“No
Jacob, if you’d just tell me what happened, I wouldn’t have any doubts,” I
said.
“You
know you lied.”
“What
are you talking about?”
“When
you said you didn’t care, you do care.”
“I
don’t care. Jacob, I just want to know. Please tell me.”
“I
can’t!”
“Jacob!”
“Do you
want to end up like Paul? Dead! He’s dead Peyton, and I don’t want that to
happen to you. I love you.”
“I love
you too.”
“Okay
then trust me.”
“Okay I trust you.”