~Kerin
When my
alarm went off in the morning the first thing I thought of was Landon. How am I
supposed to tell Landon about what happened last night? He told me he loved me
yesterday. How am I supposed to tell him that I didn’t feel the same way about
him? How am I supposed to tell him that I lied? I still have feelings for
Jacob, and these feelings don’t seem to be going away. How am I supposed to
tell him that Jacob kissed me and I kissed him back? How am I supposed to look
at my boyfriend when he comes over this morning knowing that I slept with Jacob
last night?
I rolled over in bed, and saw Jacob
was still sleeping soundly next to me. He looked so peaceful when he was
asleep. Before I could get anymore lost in my thoughts, I decided to get up. I
needed to get away from the situation, if I was going to clear my head. As I
was headed to the bathroom, I tripped over my cell phone. I saw I had two
missed calls from Dylan. She was probably worried about me since I didn’t call
her yesterday, but I can’t talk to her now, not after all that’s happened. I’m
trying to wrap my head around the fact that I slept with my best friend. I went
to the bathroom to splash some water on my face to clear my head, and then went
to the kitchen to fix me some coffee. I realized I didn’t really need to get up
this early, because I knew for fact that Jacob didn’t bring any girl home
because I was that girl. I can’t believe I slept with Jacob. I can’t believe I
slept with my best friend.
“I
can’t believe I slept with my best friend.” I said aloud to myself.
“Good
morning,” Jacob said coming into the kitchen clad in only his boxers. Normally
Jacob’s half nakedness wouldn’t bother me, but for some reason, today it makes
me comfortable. I wonder why that is. Oh right because I slept with my best
friend.
“Yeah
morning… do you want some coffee?” I said nervously.
“No I’m
good,” he said going to sit at the bar.
“Well
I’m going fix me some coffee.”
“Okay.”
“Yeah
I’m going to fix me some coffee… you sure don’t want any? You know actually you
probably made the right choice. I… I don’t need any coffee. Caffeine is probably
not the best thing for me right now. You know since I’m already so worked up. I
need something to help me relax… do you have any like alcohol here?” I went
over to the fridge to check, and I spotted a six pack of beer, but right when I
was going to grab one, a hand reached out and stopped me.
“Peyton
are you okay?” Jacob asked.
“Yeah
I’m fine. I just need a drink,” I said.
“This
early? And you don’t even drink beer,” he said.
“I
don’t usually sleep with my best friend but that didn’t stop me,” I mumbled to
myself.
“What?”
“I’m
trying new things.”
“This
is not something you want to try.”
“Why
not?”
“It’s
too early.”
“So
what? It’s one drink. One beer.”
“This
is about last night isn’t it?”
“What?
No!” Lying was pointless of course. Jacob could clearly see it was about last
night.
“Yeah
it is.”
“Okay
fine, so you’re right. I’ve been thinking about last night – “
“Look
about what happened last night, I don’t want that to come between us, and make
our relationship weird. I don’t want our relationship to change.”
“How do
you expect our relationship not to change after what happened?”
“What?
It was just sex.”
“Just
sex? Of course you would say that.”
“Look
Peyton, it really wasn’t that big of a deal.”
“Maybe
not to you, but it was to me. And what about all those things you said, like
how you love me? Was that not a big deal either?”
“Look
Peyton- “
“Oh I
see, it was just your little game, telling me what I wanted to hear, so you can
get me into bed. Well congratulations it worked!”
“Peyton
I – “
“Now I
have to figure out how to tell my boyfriend who actually loves me that I’m the
newest slut that can be added to Jacob’s never ending list of bed buddies!”
“No
that’s not true, I wasn’t lying when I said I loved you.”
“No
Landon loves me!”
“Fuck
Landon!”
“Fuck you!”
“You
already did,” Jacob smirked, “And besides he’s not going to want to be with you
once he finds that you lied to him, and slept with me.”
“I hate
you,” I said.
“That’s
not what you said last night,” he said.
“I hate
you!” I yelled before running back to my room and slamming the door.
I could feel the tears forming in my
eyes but I refused to cry. I decided to just get ready for class. If Jacob could
act like it wasn’t a big deal, then so could I. I would just pretend nothing
happened. Since nothing was going to happen between Jacob and I, I didn’t
really need to tell Landon everything. I could just tell him it was just a
kiss, and then he would forgive me, and we could be happy again. I could hear Jacob
outside knocking on my door, but I decided to ignore him, and to continue
getting ready. I thought he would just give up, and leave, but when I finished
getting ready, I heard him outside again.
“Peyton
please come out. I want to talk to you,” Jacob said through the door.
“I
think you’ve already said enough,” I said.
“I want
to apologize,” he said.
“I
think you can do that through the door,” I said.
“But
how will you know if I’m lying or not?” He had a point, so I decided to open
the door. When I opened the door, I realized Jacob still hadn’t gotten dress,
so that meant he had been sitting out here the entire time.
“What?”
I asked standing in my doorway. Jacob took a deep breath before he began.
“Okay
Peyton … I’m sorry for hurting you and how I acted this morning, but I’m not
sorry for what I said or what I did last night. Peyton, I meant it when I said
I loved you, and last night was me showing you. I know that you care for
Landon, but I don’t, so when I said he wouldn’t want you anymore I didn’t mean
that to hurt you, it’s just that I don’t want to share you.”
“So was
this all your plan to get me all to yourself?”
“No
there was no plan. When I realized that you didn’t love him, I saw an
opportunity, and I took it. I didn’t know where it would lead, and then this
morning I was a jerk because I didn’t know how to act. You weren’t the only one
who was freaking out this morning; you were just more open about it.” I
laughed.
“Good
to know.”
“Yeah
so, I acted like it didn’t matter, but it did… but I don’t want our
relationship to change.”
“But
it’s going to change regardless.”
“I
know, and it scares me.” Jacob slide down the wall, and sat on the floor.
“Why is
that?” I joined him on the floor.
“Because…
you’re the best thing in my life – you’re my best friend. If things change and
I mess them up, I’m afraid I’ll lose you. If I lose you… I don’t know. I just
don’t what to lose my best friend.”
“I
don’t want to lose you either.”
“I love
you.”
“I love
you too.”
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