~Kerin
I could
feel the tears forming in my eyes, but I refused to cry. I had class in 15
minutes, but I was thinking of skipping. Dylan was in my next class, and she
would know that something was wrong, and I didn’t feel like telling her. She
has never liked Landon, and this would just give her even more of a reason to
dislike him. After very little contemplation, I decided to go home. Since I
didn’t want to call Dylan or Jacob, I decided to walk. It was only like a 30
minute walk, and it would give me plenty of time to think.
I thought about what Dylan said this
morning, about Jacob and I and how maybe he really did have feelings for me and
maybe we could work. I never considered them before because Landon was always
so good to me, but today he was a totally different person. I don’t even know
where all of that was coming from. He never told me before that he had a
problem with my friendship with Jacob.
And then I thought about Jacob, and
what Paul told me about him. I don’t even know what to think. I don’t even know
who my best friend is anymore. I don’t think Paul would lie to me, so I know
all that stuff must be true, but none of it sounds like the Jacob I know and
love. Love? And then that question – am I still in love with Jacob? How can I
be? When I was with Landon I tried to suppress my feelings, thinking I would
get over them because I liked Landon so much. But I don’t know even Jacob
anymore, so I can’t be in love with him, right? I’m so confused.
When I finally got home, I decided
to take a long bath to calm my thoughts. I was in the tub for two hours before
I decided to get out because my body was starting to prune. I went to my room
and got dressed in sweats and a tank, and then I heard a knock on the door. It
was probably Dylan coming to check on me, since I hadn’t called her and told
her that I walked home. I went to answer the door, and was surprised to find
Landon on the other side. Before I got a chance to say anything, he walked
inside the door and starting apologizing.
“Peyton
I’m so sorry. I was such a jerk, and I’m sorry. I don’t know why I acted that
way or said what I said, but I didn’t mean it. I just always feel like I’m
going to lose you,” Landon said.
“Lose
me? To who?” I said.
“To
Jacob! I know you said there’s nothing going on between you two and you’re just
friends, but I feel threatened by him, because you care so much for him, and I
always feel like there’s something there between you two.”
“There’s
nothing.”
“Never?”
“Honest?”
“Honest.
You have to trust me, if you want me to trust you.”
“Well
honestly, yes I used to have feelings for Jacob, but that all changed when we
started going out.” It was only half a lie, my feelings mostly changed because
I suppressed them.
“Really?”
“Really,
and you have no reason to feel threatened.” Landon paused before responding like
he was thinking about what he was going to say next.
“I love
you,” Landon said softly, looking me in the eyes. I didn’t know what to say
because I didn’t want to hurt him.
“I uh…
I love you too,” I lied.
He
smiled and I faked a smile in return, before he kissed me and said he had to
go. After we said our goodbyes, and he promised he’d see me tomorrow when he
picked me up in the morning, I went over to couch. I needed to sit down before
I completely lost it. When I turned around to go to the couch, I almost
screamed when I saw Jacob sitting there.
“How
long have you been sitting here?” I asked when I regained my composure.
“Awhile,”
he said.
“How
much did you hear?” I asked.
“Everything,”
he said.
“Oh
well okay…” I said starting to walk back to my room.
“Has it
really changed?” he said, making me stop.
“What
do you mean?” I asked turning around.
“Do you
not have feelings for me anymore?”
“It
doesn’t matter Jacob.”
“Yes it
does. Two years ago you told me that you loved me, and now you’re saying you
don’t.”
“That
was two years ago! Now I’m with Landon.”
“But
you don’t love him.”
“Yes I
do.” I don’t even know why I tried, Jacob could always tell when I’m lying.
“No you
don’t. You’re a bad liar, you shouldn’t lie.”
“So
what? What does it matter? He loves me and he makes me happy.” Jacob was really starting to frustrate me.
“What
if someone else loved you?” he asked getting up and walking over to me.
“Who
you? Really Jacob? Because two years ago, you told me you didn’t have a
response, and then you left.” I could feel the tears forming in my eyes again.
“Yeah I
know, but when I finally did have a response, I find out you’re dating this
joke – ”
“Landon.”
“Whatever.”
“What?
Did you expect me to wait on you?”
“You’re
too good for him.”
“I’m
too good for you.”
“Yeah,
but you love me.”
“Are
you so sure?”
“Tell
me you don’t love me.”
“Why?”
“Say
it.”
“How do
I know you’re know not going to leave again?” I felt the first tear drop.
“One, I
live here." He smirked. "Two, I don’t want to. I was a scared kid then, and how I responded
was stupid.”
“Oh
right. You’re all grown up now.” My voice was barely a whisper.
“Yes,
and grown up Jacob Blake is in love with grown up Peyton Harper.”
“But
Landon – ”
“Forget
Landon. It’s just you and me. Tell me how you feel.”
“It’s
not that easy.”
“It is
that easy.”
“No
Jacob. I don’t even know you anymore. One minute you’re one person, and then
the next you’re someone else. I don’t know if you’re the same guy I fell in
love with. I don’t know –” I was interrupted by Jacob crashing his lips down on
mine, and I forgot all about what I was trying to say, and I got lost in the
kiss.
No comments
Post a Comment