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Sunday, April 16, 2017

Peyton + Jacob Chapter 3

Hello World! Next chapter, here we go!


I could feel the tears forming in my eyes, but I refused to cry. I had class in 15 minutes, but I was thinking of skipping. Dylan was in my next class, and she would know that something was wrong, and I didn’t feel like telling her. She has never liked Landon, and this would just give her even more of a reason to dislike him. After very little contemplation, I decided to go home. Since I didn’t want to call Dylan or Jacob, I decided to walk. It was only like a 30 minute walk, and it would give me plenty of time to think.
            I thought about what Dylan said this morning, about Jacob and I and how maybe he really did have feelings for me and maybe we could work. I never considered them before because Landon was always so good to me, but today he was a totally different person. I don’t even know where all of that was coming from. He never told me before that he had a problem with my friendship with Jacob.
            And then I thought about Jacob, and what Paul told me about him. I don’t even know what to think. I don’t even know who my best friend is anymore. I don’t think Paul would lie to me, so I know all that stuff must be true, but none of it sounds like the Jacob I know and love. Love? And then that question – am I still in love with Jacob? How can I be? When I was with Landon I tried to suppress my feelings, thinking I would get over them because I liked Landon so much. But I don’t know even Jacob anymore, so I can’t be in love with him, right? I’m so confused.
            When I finally got home, I decided to take a long bath to calm my thoughts. I was in the tub for two hours before I decided to get out because my body was starting to prune. I went to my room and got dressed in sweats and a tank, and then I heard a knock on the door. It was probably Dylan coming to check on me, since I hadn’t called her and told her that I walked home. I went to answer the door, and was surprised to find Landon on the other side. Before I got a chance to say anything, he walked inside the door and starting apologizing.
“Peyton I’m so sorry. I was such a jerk, and I’m sorry. I don’t know why I acted that way or said what I said, but I didn’t mean it. I just always feel like I’m going to lose you,” Landon said.
“Lose me? To who?” I said.
“To Jacob! I know you said there’s nothing going on between you two and you’re just friends, but I feel threatened by him, because you care so much for him, and I always feel like there’s something there between you two.”
“There’s nothing.”
“Honest. You have to trust me, if you want me to trust you.”
“Well honestly, yes I used to have feelings for Jacob, but that all changed when we started going out.” It was only half a lie, my feelings mostly changed because I suppressed them.
“Really, and you have no reason to feel threatened.” Landon paused before responding like he was thinking about what he was going to say next.
“I love you,” Landon said softly, looking me in the eyes. I didn’t know what to say because I didn’t want to hurt him.
“I uh… I love you too,” I lied. 
He smiled and I faked a smile in return, before he kissed me and said he had to go. After we said our goodbyes, and he promised he’d see me tomorrow when he picked me up in the morning, I went over to couch. I needed to sit down before I completely lost it. When I turned around to go to the couch, I almost screamed when I saw Jacob sitting there.
“How long have you been sitting here?” I asked when I regained my composure.
“Awhile,” he said.
“How much did you hear?” I asked.
“Everything,” he said.
“Oh well okay…” I said starting to walk back to my room.
“Has it really changed?” he said, making me stop.
“What do you mean?” I asked turning around.
“Do you not have feelings for me anymore?”
“It doesn’t matter Jacob.”
“Yes it does. Two years ago you told me that you loved me, and now you’re saying you don’t.”
“That was two years ago! Now I’m with Landon.”
“But you don’t love him.”
“Yes I do.” I don’t even know why I tried, Jacob could always tell when I’m lying.
“No you don’t. You’re a bad liar, you shouldn’t lie.”
“So what? What does it matter? He loves me and he makes me happy.” Jacob was really starting to frustrate me.
“What if someone else loved you?” he asked getting up and walking over to me.
“Who you? Really Jacob? Because two years ago, you told me you didn’t have a response, and then you left.” I could feel the tears forming in my eyes again.
“Yeah I know, but when I finally did have a response, I find out you’re dating this joke – ”
“What? Did you expect me to wait on you?”
“You’re too good for him.”
“I’m too good for you.”
“Yeah, but you love me.”
“Are you so sure?”
“Tell me you don’t love me.”
“Say it.”
“How do I know you’re know not going to leave again?” I felt the first tear drop.
“One, I live here." He smirked. "Two, I don’t want to. I was a scared kid then, and how I responded was stupid.”
“Oh right. You’re all grown up now.” My voice was barely a whisper. 
“Yes, and grown up Jacob Blake is in love with grown up Peyton Harper.”
“But Landon – ”
“Forget Landon. It’s just you and me. Tell me how you feel.”
“It’s not that easy.”
“It is that easy.”
“No Jacob. I don’t even know you anymore. One minute you’re one person, and then the next you’re someone else. I don’t know if you’re the same guy I fell in love with. I don’t know –” I was interrupted by Jacob crashing his lips down on mine, and I forgot all about what I was trying to say, and I got lost in the kiss. 

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